Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
