It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
