I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
