she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
