I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
