I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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