no, he came in my armpit
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
