Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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