I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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