I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
