What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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