Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
