just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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