just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
