Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
