So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
