dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We have started to decorate penises.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
