Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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