i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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