think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
