there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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