Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
