this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
