you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
