my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
3pm strippers are depressing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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