hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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