spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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