I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
