if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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