DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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