No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
