i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk is not a location!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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