How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
