One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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