im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
