My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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