I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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