I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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