i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
