You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
