His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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