did you get engaged???
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize