I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
