Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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