brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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