Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
