Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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