Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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