either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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