the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize