I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
