"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
