You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
