so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
