Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
