It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
