I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
