Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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