i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
