Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
