definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
