I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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