i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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