Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
