Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
