My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
