i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
