there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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