stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
