Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
