the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
