The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
