Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
