10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
