I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize