Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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